Debbie Doneburg looks out the window of her bedroom on a fall afternoon.“I’m thinking about why did I let this happen,” she says.
Until My Heart Finds a Home
At 70, Debbie Doneburg is still searching for a sense of belonging.
Story by Sophie Proe
The slamming of a front door punctuates the stillness.
"Are you home,” a visitor yells from her front stoop. “Let me in!"
Exasperated, Debbie Doneburg calls out: "Who? Who is it?"
Silence.
She opens the door. A gripping scent of animal odor and stale cigarettes escapes the house.
Piles of boxes stand in the entry waiting to be packed. Debbie's breath is visible through the frigid, filtered light, as she returns to her room, the space she keeps locked away from the rest of the house. She lights her crack pipe and holds her dog Coco close as she gazes out the window.
Her greatest desire is to leave.
Debbie Doneburg says she is fed up with dealing with one problem after another. She sits in her cold room with her dog Coco, waiting for a change.
"I feel like a prisoner in this house. I kind of feel like there's nowhere to go.”The 70-year-old has called her residence on Plymouth Avenue in Rochester, N.Y., home for the past 15 years. Since 2012, the single floor house has been a sanctuary not only for her numerous animal companions, including Coco the dog, a cat, two kittens, a fish, a hamster, a lizard, a tarantula, a rat, and a raccoon, but also people seeking temporary shelter.
Sex workers and survivors of sex trafficking come and go from her home, using it as a place to lay low and to find food. Doneberg explains the transient environment can be chaotic with drug use, fights and guests stealing Doneberg'sbelongings. Despite the lack of trust, she maintains relationships with these people whom she says she considers family.
Doneberg was born in Dade County, Florida in 1954, but was later adopted by Peter and Ella Boyko, who claim they found her near a swamp. Her father's military service required relocations every three years which led to an inconsistent home life.
Growing up, Doneberg faced many challenges in her childhood that she did not fully understand. At 14, she was raped by stranger near her home that resulted in a pregnancy. Her mom, Ella, took her to an abortion clinic with no explanation of what to expect or feel, and never spoke of the incident with her nor her father.
Collage of archival photos from Debbie
| Addicted but still human
As she progressed through adolescence, she began struggling with managing bipolar disorder, PTSD, depression, anxiety and eventually drug use. When Doneberg was 15, she started smoking pot as at "that time, that's what people were doing."
In 1975, Doneberg moved to Rochester, New York for a job at Kodak after stints as a construction worker and a stripper. In her early 20s, she restarted to using crack cocaine and continued to struggle with addiction for most of her life. She explained her dependence on crack helps her function and carry out daily tasks. “I don’t get high on it anymore,” she said. “It’s basically a waste of money. It just makes me feel better. It’s a bandaid, that’s all it is."
Doneberg is only one of a growing number of American seniors struggling with mental health and substance abuse issues. Approximately 13.9% of adults aged 50 or older have experienced some form of mental illness according to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Mental Health. Nearly 1 million adults aged 65 years or older reported a substance use disorder during the past year, according to results from the 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, conducted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
“Cohorts have habits around drug and alcohol use that they carry through life,” Stanford University Psychologist and Researcher Keith Humphreys told the New York Times in 2023. He explained when someones get older, drugs can significantly impact their health. Within traditional substance abuse programs, there are a small number of facilities treating elderly patients, which are expected to double in population by 2050.
Debbie lights her crack pipe in her bed with her dog Zeus laying beside her. Crack costs $20 a bag. “I’m no different than you, I just have an addiction, but I am the same way you are. ”
“It’s like a cup of coffee. Otherwise I wouldn’t have done all this. I wouldn’t have cared. I don’t get high on it anymore. It’s basically a waste of money. It just makes me feel better. It’s a bandaid, that’s all it is."Doneberg has found emotional support and sanctuary cohabitating with her many animals, standing in contrast with the distrust she has come to expect from the people who often stay with her. In the loneliness of her addiction, she has decided to keep her door open in exchange for drugs, money, and companionship.
“I could be out in the country watch the stars at night, not people knocking on my door all 24/7. I’d have a life. I’d would be with animals that would make me happy. Animals don’t hurt you and they don’t expect nothing in return except for love.”| Fighting for Home
(Top) While Debbie is sick, she lays with her three dogs, Coco, King, and Bella. (Bottom) Debbie gives a kiss to her raccoon, Bandit. “Everyone thinks I’m crazy for having a raccoon but fuck them… He is my baby.”
In early February 2024, Doneburg's landlord attempted to evict her, going as far as threatening to remove her belongings. With the threat of eviction, not only was her housing at risk, so was her sanctuary with her animals. She packed her valuables and entrust them to her friend Joe, who asked that his last name be withheld, who frequently helped around the house and often provides transportation.
She lives solely on her social security check and money is often tight. Around this time, Doneburg was unable to pay her full gas and electric bill and the power was turned off. Despite the harsh winter conditions, and rather than seeking alternatives, she stayed in her home relying on heavy layers of clothing, blankets, and her dog Coco for warmth. She sustained herself with fruit, ramen, applesauce, peanut butter and any food given to her as people came to the house.
“I’m sick of this, it’s freezing in here. I’m not going leave, he can’t kick me out,” says Debbie.
| Home isn’t home
On February 17, 2024, after experiencing a headache and dizziness, Doneburg suffered a left middle cerebral artery (CM) stroke in her home. After the incident, she spent three days in the Emergency Department before being admitted to the Rochester General Hospital Stroke Unit. She remained at Rochester General for almost a week before being transferred to a rehabilitation facility on February 26. At the rehabilitation center, she had speech and physical therapy until March 8. Despite the medical care, she expresses feeling "trapped" within the facility, yearning to return home to her animals. Throughout her recovery, Doneburg's daughters Karlie and Desiree, along with their children, regularly visited to provide their love and support.
Debbie has speech therapy with Morgan Wright and Lauren Holland on March, 4, 2024.
From left to right: During physical therapy, Niko Ryan, physical therapist, helps Debbie improve on her balance. Debbie hands cheese puffs to her granddaughter, Journee, while she waits for the nurse to give her updates on her health.
Debbie waits for her daughter, Desiree, to come and pick her up. “I want to leave, I’m ready to leave. I’m sick of being here. “I want to go home but I know my home isn’t a home” says Debbie.
While Doneburg was in rehabilitation her friend Joe gathered as many of her belongings as he was able from her residence on Plymouth Ave, including all the boxes she had packed and everything removed from her walls. Joe stored what he could in his and his son’s basement and took Coco until Donburg could retrieve them. Eventually her daughters discovered that the landlord had removed the rest of her things from the premises and piled them in the street, where they were either taken by others or picked up as trash. Ultimately, Joe took Coco to Lollipop Farm, an animal shelter, while Bandit, her raccoon, was taken by the Department of Environmental Conservation. No one seems to know what became of the other animals
(Top) Debbie looks at the piles of empty boxes waiting to fill them before being kicked out of her home. (Bottom) Debbie’s house now empty on March 7, 2024.
My biggest fear was take my stuff and end up in a garbage pile. And everyone says well you're alive. Yeah I'm alive but part of me is dead. ”| Where is home
As a result of her challenges with addiction, Doneberg's home became unstable.
“I wasn’t the best attempt mother… I regret it,” she said. “I can’t get it back… But I can do the best with my grandkids now.”
Doneberg's relationship with her two sons is distant, both living out of state and little to no communication. “I’ve always loved my mom, but watching her live her life style, which has always come first, was difficult so I distanced myself," her daugher Karlie said. "We aren’t estranged, I just feel I live in a different world than my mom and made the choice to do what’s best for me. But I worry and care about her, always.”
Doneberg has been staying with her other daughter, Desiree, and her five young grandchildren but said she wants to leave and be in her own space — even if it means potentially relapsing.
“I can’t be no one else but who I am,” she added. “I can’t wait to get my own place... I can get high all by myself I don’t need them. If I don’t get high, I don’t get high. I’m clean all this time and it’s hard.”
Doneberg is now embarking on a new chapter along Desiree and her five grandchildren. But, without a home to return to after completing rehabilitation, she is unsure about finding solace in a space without her animals and her art.
(Top) Debbie’s “dream board” hangs in her living room on November 5, 2023. “This is where I want to be… Away from all of this.” (Bottom) Debbie stares at the blank wall of her new room in her daughter’s house on March 8, 2023. “A home is mine not everybody else’s. I won’t have a home until I have a home myself” says Debbie.
"The more drugs I did, the more I smoked the less I had to feel. And now... Unfortunately I'm feeling a whole lot of things and they're not good. I don't wanna get back there again."